Two years ago, I posted the "Part 1" of this list fully intending to follow it up the next day. What the heck happened? One of the major issues was that my viewership was, at that point, in the gutter, so lack of motivation was definitely an issue. Now, I honestly couldn't care if no one ever reads this, it's more an issue of just getting it out. And who knows, maybe I'll find the time to occasionally post a new weblog... if for no other reason than to hear my voice rattle against the walls of the internet and return.

Whatever, here is the rest of the list:

15. Anasazi/The Blessing Way/Paper Clip (Seasons 2 & 3):

These are the episodes where the mythology starts to really deepen: Mulder learns that his father was once involved in a government conspiracy and may have even been partially responsible for Samantha Mulder’s abduction. A mummified alien corpse is discovered in New Mexico while the agents struggle to decode a set of classified documents written in Navajo. But what really makes this trilogy so great is “Paper Clip, where the agents discover a mile-long tunnel full of file drawers and Mulder learns that he may have been the original target in his sister’s abduction.

14. Quagmire (Season 3):

Two words: LochNess Monster… or is it three? Mulder and Scully are investigating a lake monster in Georgia who seems to be attacking pleasure-goers that get too close to the water. The episode almost seems like a standard-- though exceptional-- monster-of-the-week episode until the agents get attacked and stranded on a rock in the middle of the lake. As the darkness and mist settles and the mysterious splashes of a potential predator echo across the fog-layered water, Mulder and Scully begin a rare and poignant philosophical discussion of Mulder’s quest for the truth and their relationship as a whole. Of course, I may be biased in that this is one of the first episodes of the series I ever saw, but it’s still a superb entry.

13. The End/The Beginning (Season 5 & 6):

To be honest, if the entire X-Files series had ended at this point and resolved the loose ends with a pair of movies, I’d have been more than content. Unfortunately, the series continued for another four years, and grew increasingly haphazard in regards to the main conspiracy (although this did allow the series to do other interesting things). “The End” was great simply because of the ending… the Cancer Man makes a surprising return and decides to torch Mulder’s office… and the X-Files literally go up in smoke. The moment is so shocking that we’re left with our mouths gaping open, muttering “What the heck just happened?!?!” It was the best cliffhanger in the series.

12. Triangle (Season 6):

This episode really is a marvel… the whole thing is composed of a series of incredibly long takes. There is one truly exceptional scene where the camera follows Scully for nearly a full eight minutes for one uninterrupted segment as she hurriedly manipulates a series of people into helping her save Mulder. Epic scene. Most of the narrative takes place on a World War II ship sent forward in time, with a group of Americans, Limeys, Nazis and even blacks all forming distinct groups interacting on a single cruise liner… and Mulder is the only one who seems to know what the future brings. The only gimmicky aspect is that a number recurring series actors play roles on the ship… Cancer Man and Jeffrey Spender are Nazis, and even Skinner and Scully play different characters on the cruise. What’s really cool is when they break the screen up into two sections with each section following a different group of characters… and both filmed in a single take as the characters chase each other around. Awesome.

11. Jose Chung’s “From Outer Space” (Season 3):

While “War of the Coprophages” may be my favorite of the comedy episodes, this one comes in a close second. Until you see some guy in an alien costume get abducted and lie in a cage muttering “this can’t be happening” you may be able to contain your laughter. After that, the whole thing just spirals into one big parody of the series itself. Mulder and Scully convey completely different versions of the same event-- much like the episode “Bad Blood”, but far better-- and the show takes hilariously sharp jabs at TV censors by self-censoring itself with outlandish results. The sheer brilliance of the X-Files is that the show can be a serious and tense espionage thriller in one episode and then make fun of itself with some of the best comedy on TV. This episode is simply not to be missed.

10. Small Potatoes (Season 4):

Initially, this episode seems like a joke… but it’s actually a well-structured examination of Mulder as a character. After discovering a group of women who have given birth to babies with a vestigial tail, the agents uncover a shape shifter who assumes men’s identities so he can get jiggy with their wives. Why? Because he’s a hopeless nobody who has about as much a chance of getting laid on his own as Martha Stewart does at ever being called attractive. The real kick in the butt, though, is the realization that all he is changing is his appearance… he has to win women into bed all on his own-- thus when he states to Mulder that he has personality to make up for his underwhelming appearance… he’s actually telling the truth. The only thing stopping him from romancing a woman is the fact that he looks like a fat nobody. Of course, this is all merely ridiculous until the romance-hopeless doppelganger replaces Mulder so he can seduce an unsuspecting Scully! All the while, he gives us a humorous outsider’s view into Mulder’s unusual lifestyle… “where do I sleep?!”

09. Christmas Carol/Emily (Season 5):

The little girl who suddenly appears in these episodes is an unexpected development to be sure. Most of Scully’s episodes are kind of overrated, but these two shows explore her character perfectly and showcase a couple of shocking revelations centered around a young girl who may somehow be related to her deceased sister, Melissa. Dana’s desire to adopt the child is only made more heart-wrenching by the slow-but-steady realization that the girl may well be destined to die… a mere lab rat in a grander scheme. In short, these are the best Scully-centered episodes in the series. It might even be said that Emily is Scully’s version of Mulder’s Samantha. When Scully is forced to accept that the child is simply“not meant to be”, she is torn apart-- knowing that she is incapable of ever having children of her own makes the scene even more agonizing. Emily is the first time we are forced to see just how cruel the Syndicate really is, creating these children only to study them and then ruthlessly casting them aside when they’re done. The emotional impact of Emily’s death is the weightiest moment in the series up to that point.

08. Two Fathers/One Son (Season 6):

By the time Season Six hits mid-way through, the X-Files mythology has been dragged out for years-- this pair of episodes wraps almost the entire thing up at light-speed. Whereas fans used to wait months for the next tidbit, the mind nearly explodes as the accelerator on series goes from 5mpg to 120 in about 10 seconds. To have not included this pair of episodes on my list would have been unthinkable. Even though fans may have some qualms with the way the series went after these episodes, that’s only because there was almost nothing left to explore… it was all revealed. The only threads of the mythology left up in the air were the fate of Mulder’s sister (revealed in Season Seven) and how the developments in these episodes affect the Colonists’ plans to invade earth (… never really revealed… although some predict a new movie will address this).

07. Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man (Season 4):

This in-depth look at the X-Files’ enigmatic main villain is as enlightening as it is touching. Apparently the fiend has been at the heart of more than a few government cover-ups, from JFK to Martin Luther King jr.-- but in spite of all of this, he is a lonely figure with more than a few tender surprises. Who would have guessed Cancer Man was an aspiring sci-fi writer?? The whole episode acts as a flashback while the villain has a rifle set on a certain beloved protagonist while our heroes discuss the nemesis at great length. This is easily one of the more poignant and original episodes in the series, and abandons the series’ convention for holding out on the cool conspiracy revelations, as well as exploring the personal life of one of the most interesting characters in the show.

06. Hungry (Season 7):

What makes this a truly stellar episode is that the entire narrative is told from the perspective of the monster: a twenty-something-year-old who is trying his best to be honest and do the right thing… except that he’s hopeless addicted to the taste of human brain matter. He’s so committed to kicking the habit that he even attends a Bulimics Anonymous meeting and watches inspirational videotapes. By the time the episode finally ends… you can’t help but feel that Mulder and Scully are gigantic jerks for trying to kill him. Perhaps the one element that makes this episode stand out so starkly is the implied message that freaks are simply incapable of ever fitting into normal society… that they have to be exterminated (think the “Cold Equations”). Sure, you can say that the series started to go downhill after the Season Six finale (and many do), but I personally feel that the stand-alone episodes are just as good as they always were-- even if the mythology episodes had begun a massive decline in quality.

05. Paper Hearts (Season 4):

This is probably one of the most acclaimed episodes of the series… and boy does it deserve it. As most fans of the show know, all of the extraterrestrial abductions and government conspiracies are really just a guise for Fox Mulder’s real quest… his continual search for his missing sister. This episode forces Mulder to confront the idea that his sister may have been abducted and murdered by a pedophile. Without giving anything away, let’s just say this is a heart wrenching exploration of what motivates Mulder in his quest for truth. The phrase “the truth is out there” has more relevance to the fate of Samantha than little green men… and this one goes a long way toward opening up the terrifying realm of possibilities.

04. Detour (Season 5):

There are a number of great stand-alone, “monster-of-the-week” episodes in the X-Files library, but this is an exceptional example both of the series’ creepy mood and of the excellent scenery the Vancouver base gave the episode’s creators. Essentially, the tale is about a group of people who have gone missing in the Florida woodlands after seeing a pair of red, glaring eyes… creepy…. This is basically “classic” X-Files at its best-- a fusion of crime scene investigation mixed with a perfect dose of the paranormal. Despite that, the creepy monsters encountered in this episode go a long way to distinguishing themselves among the other weekly horrors… is that just a pattern in the bark… or is it a face?! You may well be checking the closest and dark spaces under your bed for a few weeks after seeing this one. I would probably list this episode as the flat-out creepiest in the series… not like “Home” or “Irresistible”, which are merely gross and repugnant. This one makes your pulse quicken and keeps you up at night with the lingering memory of eyes.

03. Unruhe (Season 4):

I am fully convinced this is the most underrated episode in the WHOLE series. From the moment it opens until the moment it ends, this show sends cold-shivers down viewers’ spines. Unlike pathetic and down-right awful episodes like “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose” or “Beyond the Sea”, Unruhe takes the “psychic” concept and actually does something interesting and original with it. The main villain is a truly disturbed individual who unconsciously leaves terrifying images from his twisted psyche imprinted on undeveloped film at the crime scenes. These iconic images are pretty messed up (the “howlers!” *shiver*). Throw in an antagonist that mutters lines of German and lobotomizes his victims with an ice pick, and this is easily one of the best stand-alone episodes in the entire series… not to mention one of the episodes none of the fans ever seem to talk about… what the heck is wrong with everyone?! This is, hands down, the best psychic themed episode in the whole series.

02. War of the Coprophages (Season 3):

While seemingly unlikely, the X-Files was often at its best when doing comedy… and this episode stands as the best of the all the humor themed episodes. Attempting to get away from his apartment while it’s being fumigated, Mulder quickly finds himself in a town plagued by a rash of killer cockroaches. Continually phoning Scully in alarm to enlist her aid, he is each time given an increasingly unlikely series of scientific explanations. In meeting a parody character of Stephen Hawking, Mulder discovers the insects’ exoskeletons are made of metal and soon formulates-- among all the bone-dry humor and sharp satire-- a theory that the cockroaches may actually be advanced, extraterrestrial automatons (robots) sent down to examine the earth and its inhabitants.

01. Gethsemane/Redux/Redux II (Seasons 4 & 5):

Of all the season cliffhanger trios, this is my personal favorite. Season 4’s “Gethsemane” opens with the discovery of an E.B.E. (extraterrestrial biological entity) and ends with the apparent death of series’ protagonist Fox Mulder. Season 5’s opening “Redux I & II” serve to ingeniously “resurrect” Mulder while presenting the idea that alien existence is all a government hoax designed to obscure certain damaging secrets the government wishes to keep secret. For the first (and possibly only) time in the series, we get the feeling that the agents have become the conspirators and the Syndicate has no idea what Mulder and Scully are up to. If that doesn’t make this trio the best in the series, consider that Mulder finally finds his way into the pentagon warehouse first introduced in the series pilot way back when… what he ends up finding is an apparent cure for Scully’s cancer. Finally, “Redux II” leaves us with the assumption that Cancer Man has finally been killed-- and even with the body missing, the lack of conclusive evidence of his demise only serves to cement our certainty of his death being conveniently swept under the rug. With the series’ villain seeming gone, viewers couldn’t help but wonder what nefarious uber-villains lurked in the near future. It’s too bad this is where the “golden years” of the series officially ends….

My expository writung professor has us conducting ourselves in an exercidse called “freewritng”, whereby we deliberately write our touhoughts down without stopping to polishhj our work. The moral is to “just keep writing1!!1”{ while avoiding the temptation to stop and correct our errors, but rather just too get it down on paper for later revision. Rules forbid us from stopping for more than a few secondfs and we are not allowed to back go back and change anything./...

There is a perfectly good reason whyst I never write like this: the attempt to compose a picee of writng without the prerogative to revise and reform words produces garbage. Garbage collecsts in the consciousness while it is being composed and creates a negitive block;. If what is alresady there on the screen is not worth reading, then pray tell what the point it is continuing? The inability to correct work systermautically demoralizes the writer until he is unable to continute in his effort to compose and create. The act of creation is an act of beauty... if there is no beauty, thern there is clearly no reason to continue writing any further. There is also the fact that type9ng creates nuinsensical strands of jibberish00 which cannot be understoodfg by the writer enough too revise and correct at a later date if he no longer rememberss what he was attemptuing to create. The sheer abundance of compounded refuse further demolozes the writer to the point where he is liekoy to abandon his efforts altothgether.

In short, this whole exercise of :;’freewriting” is idiotic. Who is going to going to go back to the above paragraph and do anything but bashi his head ugainst thwe screan until brai0hntmatter becomes engorged in the keys and thj remainder of his face -0is left in bloody ribbons hanging in strips from his crumbling skull????1144 The act would take the appearnace of that short vbideo on youtube where the guy bashes his hands agbainst the keyboard until there;s nothing left but bleeding stubs where his arms used to be [I’l throw that in later since I get to keep this wondferful pice of trash... watch it if you dare./)].

Freewiring is an inherently worthyless exercise designed to substitute for some individuals’ pathetic, wretched lack of imagination-- whereby they promptly invent some dumb stateigy for other so-called writers and sell wonderfully uselss self-halp books. Rathert-- in my opinion, of course-- people should attemopt to be intelligent and actually think about what they’re about to write before they evne touch the keyboard, instewad of writing rubbish in the hopes that God will comes down and do it all for them or that some pice of their writing may actually be useable (assuming they can even read it, of course). Sure, most first drafts are pretty bad, but why would any sane person intentionally create a “shitty” one? (“shitty first drafts” actually being a reference to one such self-helping pice of trash called “bird to bird” writtin by an Anne-sombody which which was required in our class curriculm).

Inb wonderful conclusion-- and since our professor is giving us “one more minute”-- I would just like to say that the modern of advice given to writers of “just write” is much like telling someone to fly a helicopter with no fuel in it... not just because your’re bound to crash and burn and die, but because a writer is only capable of writing something decent under the influence of his or her own ingenuity (remove the authorial thought processes and you get something “shitty”). Rather than attempting to force inspiration in some dark basement somewhere, actually go where inspiration really is: outside in the "real world". All writers-- regardless of subject or genre or whatever-- are all writing about life in some aspect. If people spent half as much time imagining what they are going t5o write (instwead of impetuously trying to force inspiration through writing), they might5 actually end up with something that isn’t a complete piece of garden-compostible-material;!!!